Have you ever fallen in love with someone because of how they carried themselves, they loved themselves, they enjoyed life & were full excitement? And then years, maybe even months, into a relationship the friction starts & the dates stop. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why when we invite someone into our intimate lives do we stop being intimate with ourselves? Intimacy isn't all about sex. It's about self love. It's about connection. "into-me-I- see " - intimacy. Look inward when you feel your lacking outward validation. A common cycle for many is that when we start dating someone we take all of the love that we have been giving our single-selves & then pour it into our new found lover. Somewhere along the way we stop giving it to ourselves and then down the road we blame our partners! I'm guilty of this. Most of us are. For me one of the most frustrating parts about a break up is watching the other person do everything that I wish they would have done while in the relationship. This triggers a lot of emotions for me. What did I do wrong?
Why was I not good enough?
What could I have done differently?
And why now?
In addition to all of the feelings of inadequacy it brings up feelings of not being validated. And not being seen. But at the end of the day it all comes back to myself. Was I showing up for myself? Our partners are a reflection of us.
Who is going to lead the way? If I stop caring for myself & doing the things I love chances are my partner will to & if he doesn't then we likely won't last in a relationship. Because a man or woman standing in their authentic-heart-driven-power won't settle. Not a king. Not a queen. We know our worth & our boundaries. Not to say we don't ever slip & show up in our shadow, but we work through it. That's the real test- When we are willing to take a look at ourselves, take accountability & shift our behavior from something that's not working to something that is in alignment. Until we are able and willing to continue showing up for ourselves, filling our cups & being intimate with ourselves even when in a relationship then we will continue to attract partners that stop caring for themselves, blame the other for their problems & feel confused as to why things went wrong. It all comes back to us. We are the creators of our stories. Let this be a reminder to love yourself, take yourself out on dates, do the things you enjoy, be OK spending time alone & to show gratitude for everything around you.